their senses
eroded beyond fear.
Great souls
die and our reality, bound to them, takes leave of us.
Our souls,
dependent upon their nurture, now shrink, wizened.
Our minds,
formed and informed by their radiance fall away.
We are not
so much maddened as reduced to the unutterable ignorance of dark, cold caves.”
Maya Angelou’s words capture the essence of the whole gamut of emotions one has towards the death of an extremely loved mentor or elder. The minds of the disciples were still numb from the shock of the crucifixion of their beloved Teacher when the news of the empty tomb reached them. St. Thomas wasn't the only one to disbelieve the news. The words of Mary Magdalene and other women about the news of resurrection seemed to the apostles like idle tales and they did not believe (St. Luke 24:11/St. Mark 16:11). It was the visible evidence which led to the belief (The disciples were glad when they saw the Lord (St. John 20:20)).
Human emotions are complex. Everyone processes grief of death and betrayal differently. For some,
a part of their heart is tightly closed forever with the departure of their
loved one. They run away from anything, any hope, any love that attempts to
open this sacred dead space.
Beneath that seemingly arrogant
statement - “Unless I see in His hands the print of the nails and put my
finger into the print of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not
believe.” (St. John 20: 24) lies the raw insecurities of a sensitive human
being who lost a loved one.
Thomas once asked Jesus-
“Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?”
(St. John 14:5; NKJV). To this Christ responded: - “I am the way, the truth,
and the life." (St. John 14:6). It is the great desire of the psalmist
- "Teach me Your way, O Lord" (Psalm 27:11). Numerous great
teachers and scholars have talked about way of life, truths of life and secrets
of good life. Jesus outlines this very clearly- He is not teaching one of the
numerous ways of life or truth. Instead, He IS the Way, Truth and Life. For
Thomas, the Way, Truth and Life and Life seemed gone forever.
When Jesus told His disciples to
go to Judea again after being informed of Lazarus’ sickness, the alarmed
disciples warned Him- “Rabbi, lately the Jews sought to stone You, and are
You going there again?” (St. John 11:8). Seeing that Jesus was adamant in
his decision, Thomas says to the band of disciples who are in two minds about
going to the dangerous terrain of Judea- “Let us also go, that we may die
with Him.” (St John 11:16). It seems as if Thomas is telling his
companions- “Can we envisage a life without Jesus? He called us for a unique
mission- what is the purpose of a life bereft of Jesus? Wouldn’t it be much
better if we just go with Jesus- if death awaits Him, let us die with Him.
Afterall life without Jesus is no life at all!”
For Thomas this was a time of
facing this reality-an awful sense of emptiness, confusion, guilt for having
left his beloved Christ alone during the time of crucifixion. Life now seemed
to have no purpose at all, his very being is processing extreme grief and fears
suffering another heartbreak if the resurrection news turned out to be untrue.
The rational mind of Thomas is scared to develop any hope at this juncture. It
would then explain why Thomas yearns for one proof to be able to experience the
joy of resurrection.
The Resurrected Christ fulfils
Thomas’ yearning and asks him to touch His hands and side. Overcome with
emotion and repentance, Thomas extols the statement of the great faith – ‘My
Lord and my God’ (St John 20:28). St. John who is writing this gospel after
4-5 decades post the resurrection events would have encountered people who did
not witness the Resurrection of Christ but only heard through in the ministry
of the apostles. To them and to us he shares the blessings of our Lord- “Thomas,
because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not
seen and yet have believed.” (v.29).
Whenever we struggle in our faith
journey, may we remember the prayer of the father of the sick child whom Jesus
healed- “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” (St. Mark 9:24)
In Christ,
Rincy
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