When Love Lingers: A Journey of Grief And Faith

Christ is Risen!

“When great trees fall in forests, small things recoil into silence,

their senses eroded beyond fear.

Great souls die and our reality, bound to them, takes leave of us.

Our souls, dependent upon their nurture, now shrink, wizened.

Our minds, formed and informed by their radiance fall away.

We are not so much maddened as reduced to the unutterable ignorance of dark, cold caves.”

Maya Angelou’s words capture the essence of the whole gamut of emotions one has towards the death of an extremely loved mentor or elder. The minds of the disciples were still numb from the shock of the crucifixion of their beloved Teacher when the news of the empty tomb reached them. St. Thomas wasn't the only one to disbelieve the news. The words of Mary Magdalene and other women about the news of resurrection seemed to the apostles like idle tales and they did not believe (St. Luke 24:11/St. Mark 16:11). It was the visible evidence which led to the belief (The disciples were glad when they saw the Lord (St. John 20:20)).

Human emotions are complex. Everyone processes grief of death and betrayal differently. For some, a part of their heart is tightly closed forever with the departure of their loved one. They run away from anything, any hope, any love that attempts to open this sacred dead space.

Beneath that seemingly arrogant statement - “Unless I see in His hands the print of the nails and put my finger into the print of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe.” (St. John 20: 24) lies the raw insecurities of a sensitive human being who lost a loved one.

Thomas once asked Jesus- “Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?” (St. John 14:5; NKJV). To this Christ responded: - “I am the way, the truth, and the life." (St. John 14:6). It is the great desire of the psalmist - "Teach me Your way, O Lord" (Psalm 27:11). Numerous great teachers and scholars have talked about way of life, truths of life and secrets of good life. Jesus outlines this very clearly- He is not teaching one of the numerous ways of life or truth. Instead, He IS the Way, Truth and Life. For Thomas, the Way, Truth and Life and Life seemed gone forever.

When Jesus told His disciples to go to Judea again after being informed of Lazarus’ sickness, the alarmed disciples warned Him- “Rabbi, lately the Jews sought to stone You, and are You going there again?” (St. John 11:8). Seeing that Jesus was adamant in his decision, Thomas says to the band of disciples who are in two minds about going to the dangerous terrain of Judea- “Let us also go, that we may die with Him.” (St John 11:16). It seems as if Thomas is telling his companions- “Can we envisage a life without Jesus? He called us for a unique mission- what is the purpose of a life bereft of Jesus? Wouldn’t it be much better if we just go with Jesus- if death awaits Him, let us die with Him. Afterall life without Jesus is no life at all!”

For Thomas this was a time of facing this reality-an awful sense of emptiness, confusion, guilt for having left his beloved Christ alone during the time of crucifixion. Life now seemed to have no purpose at all, his very being is processing extreme grief and fears suffering another heartbreak if the resurrection news turned out to be untrue. The rational mind of Thomas is scared to develop any hope at this juncture. It would then explain why Thomas yearns for one proof to be able to experience the joy of resurrection.

The Resurrected Christ fulfils Thomas’ yearning and asks him to touch His hands and side. Overcome with emotion and repentance, Thomas extols the statement of the great faith – ‘My Lord and my God’ (St John 20:28). St. John who is writing this gospel after 4-5 decades post the resurrection events would have encountered people who did not witness the Resurrection of Christ but only heard through in the ministry of the apostles. To them and to us he shares the blessings of our Lord- “Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” (v.29).

Whenever we struggle in our faith journey, may we remember the prayer of the father of the sick child whom Jesus healed- “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” (St. Mark 9:24)

In Christ,

Rincy

 

Courage, Thy name is Thomas.

Christ is Risen! Indeed He is Risen!

The Gospel reading for the New Sunday is from the Gospel of St John 20:19-29. Let us read the Gospel passage:

Icon-The Belief of St Thomas

“Then, the same day at evening, being the first day of the week, when the doors were shut where the disciples were assembled, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in the midst, and said to them, “Peace be with you.”  When He had said this, He showed them His hands and His side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord.

 So Jesus said to them again, “Peace to you! As the Father has sent Me, I also send you.”  And when He had said this, He breathed on them, and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”

Now Thomas, called the Twin, one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. The other disciples therefore said to him, “We have seen the Lord.” So he said to them, “Unless I see in His hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe.”

And after eight days His disciples were again inside, and Thomas with them. Jesus came, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, “Peace to you!” Then He said to Thomas, “Reach your finger here, and look at My hands; and reach your hand here, and put it into My side. Do not be unbelieving, but believing.”

And Thomas answered and said to Him, “My Lord and my God!”

Jesus said to him, “Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” (NKJV)

“Let us also go, that we may die with Him.” - (St John 11: 16); such was the response of St Thomas when the Lord decided to undertake the journey to Judaea knowing very well that trouble awaited them. We also note in the first verses of the above Gospel reading that the disciples (excluding St Thomas) were assembled in a room with doors shut for they feared the Jews. We do not where St Thomas was; but the rest of the disciples in the room feared for their lives. The man who needed to be convinced of the truth of resurrection may have been going around the city probing about the Risen Lord without concern for his safety.

It is then that the Lord appeared to the rest of the disciples and when the disciples told this encounter to Thomas, he wasn’t entirely influenced.

The British poet, Alfred, Lord Tennyson wrote in ‘The Memoriam’:

“There lives more faith in honest doubt,

Believe me, than in half the creeds.”¹

St Thomas was brutally honest. He wasn’t someone who would acknowledge something without being sure of it. It takes lot of courage to ask an honest doubt- our society since time immemorial has been known for belittling those who have asked doubts. The news of the resurrection sounded too good to be true. St Thomas had to be convinced. He didn’t fear his doubts evoking laughter or sharp reactions from the other disciples. He wanted to put his finger into the print of the nails and his hand into the side of our Lord.

St Gregory the Great comments thus:

“The disbelief of Thomas has done more for our faith than the faith of the other disciples. As he touches Christ and is won over to belief, every doubt is cast aside and our faith is strengthened. So the disciple who doubted, then felt Christ’s wounds, becomes a witness to the reality of the resurrection.”²

Eight days later, Jesus Christ appeared again to all disciples. Our Lord exhorted St Thomas to believe the resurrection by putting his finger in His nails and to touch His side by his hand. There was no looking back for St Thomas. Overcome with love and devotion, he uttered the most beautiful and insightful proclamation: ‘My Lord and My God’!

This was Thomas, slow to believe, needed conviction but once convinced there was no stopping him. Perhaps this explains the Church Traditions that he may have traveled farther with the gospel than any of the other apostles.

I have cited many times the sermon by a priest-monk of the Indian Orthodox Church- Very Rev Sudha Paul Rambachan. Rambachan in one of his sermon reminisced that what brought him to Christianity was the conviction of his room-mate Christian friend who was undoubtedly sure that his Lord can heal the family member of their mutual friend. Unfortunately, this is the conviction that we are lacking in today’s times.

There is also a legend that the two fingers of St Thomas were fused together and after touching the wounds of his Lord, the fused fingers got separated. Since St Thomas’s hands had touched the Lord, the other Apostles kissed the hands of St Thomas and thus started the tradition of the kissing of hands of priests/bishops.

May the prayers of our spiritual father- Apostle St Thomas be a refuge for us and may it help us to walk on the right path with courage and conviction.

In Christ,

Rincy John

Ref:

¹Alfred, Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam A. H. H. OBIIT MDCCCXXXIII: 96, https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45349/in-memoriam-a-h-h-obiit-mdcccxxxiii-96, accessed on April 27,2019.

²Homily of St. Gregory the Great, Crossroads initiative, published on April 03, 2018 https://www.crossroadsinitiative.com/media/articles/doubting-thomas-2/, accessed on April 27,2019